Vampire Heart
by Rude and not Ginger
Summary: Short angsty piece on Peter, set to the song Vampire Heart by Tom McRae. Spoilers up to ‘Our Father’.


_The song __Vampire Heart__ is by Tom McRae_

Vampire Heart

_Darling, I'm lost,  
Adrift in the dark  
I'm clutching your words to my vampire heart once more  
So let in the light, turn me to dust  
If it don't end in bloodshed, dear,  
It's probably not love_

Everything had gone wrong since he'd discovered his powers. Sometimes he wonders if he'd have been better off listening to Nathan, thinking it "crazy talk". If he hadn't threatened to jump off that building, Nathan would have never have had to tell the truth. But he was stubborn, he wanted to be somebody. He wanted to be more than he was. He thought if maybe he had these powers, he could save the world and make everything alright. The stupid thoughts of a dreamer who'd watched too many movies, who thought good could always overcome evil and light shined everywhere. He was wrong, so very, very wrong. He was crawling around in the dark with nowhere to run to. Every time something went right, something was waiting around the corner to rip it apart. Sometimes it gets so overbearing, death, destruction, betrayal, it all wraps around and strangles his heart.

_Here we are, in the darkest place  
My reflection shows only your face_

Although he'd have it no other way, and he loves his brother more than anything in this life, it was hard growing up in Nathan's shadow. Nathan took up a lot of room, he didn't do 'try' only 'succeed', he'd get so wrapped up in his goals he'd forget he had a family. People used to always ask Peter about Nathan ("How's Nathan's campaign coming along?" "So, what's the general view on Nathan's opinion of…"), but nobody asked about Peter. Nathan was a public figure, Peter sat with the dying.

His father was always a powerful man. Somebody you'd show nothing but respect to. Everybody knew him, everybody would always complement him. People would ask Peter about Arthur ("How's the business?" "How is Arthur these days? I hear he's…"), nobody was interested in his youngest son who just day dreamed threw life._  
_

He wanted to be special because nobody saw him, they'd look at him, and only see his father or brother.

_Something is found  
Something is lost  
Went looking for clues in the streets of old New York  
And I spilled someone's blood  
I broke someone's heart again  
Someone you know  
You're looking at him, my friend_

He'd loved Simone, but he knows that she never loved him. He didn't love Caitlin because at the time he didn't even know himself, but he thinks he could have loved her. She was there for him when he was lost, she didn't care who he was, what he may or may not have done, she only cared for the Peter she knew, and he never got to thank her for that. He'd lead Elle to the pub, to Rick, he played a part (however unintentionally) in her brothers death. Caitlin could have easily blamed him for that, but she didn't. And against his better judgment, he let her come with him. Accidently took her to the future in New York. He'd left her trapped in a future which no longer exists. He killed her and forgot about her. Now he remembers how she had called for him as she was being dragged away on the other side of the chain fence. He could have used his powers to save her, but he was useless, he let her be taken and trapped in a now non-place.

_  
And the people in our lives  
We all leave behind  
Leave behind_

Simone died, Caitlin died, Adam had lied, his mother told so many lies, his father had betrayed his family in the worst way, and now Nathan had abandoned him for Pinehurst; even after Peter had told him about the future that place would bring.

Everyone had left him behind, but were acting as though he had deserted them, like he had betrayed them, but all he ever wanted to do was help people.

_Here we are, in the darkest place  
To keep from forgetting I picture your face  
And I wonder  
While we count the cost  
Which is sweeter;  
Love or it's loss_

Now his father was dead. He'd taken the gun from his mother, and on her blessing (her _order_) set out to kill him. He wasn't sure whether he was mad or grateful that Sylar had taken that power from him. He wanted to save people, not kill them. He could so clearly remember when he had killed Nathan in the future, then he had come back to the present, snapped Sylar's neck so easily, and attempted to kill his mother. It made him beyond sick. He'd never wanted to do that again. His father was his responsibility, as he'd told the Haitian, but he didn't want to kill anyone.

He remembers when he was a child. When he'd run into his father's arms, and squeal with delight when he was swung around, and his father would look at him as though he were the best thing in the world, like Peter was his life and dream. He remembered how much love he had for his dad when Arthur's eyes would crinkle with a bright smile and he'd hug Peter tight.

Now he doesn't know if it was worth it. He loved his dad, but hated what he had done. So in the end, which was better? Arthur's life or his death?

_So I curse you,  
My vampire heart  
For letting me love you  
Love you  
For letting me love you  
From the start._

Charles Deveaux had told Peter he could save the world because of his heart, because his empathy and love. But he was wrong; all his heart had done was broken.


End file.
